Use our unanswerable Koans to clear your mind for meditation and anger literal people until they find happiness.
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They're fun, but they make you think. Is thinking always the answer? Think about it.
Try reading the following motivational haiku.
(Note- The following have all been copyrighted. Memorize at your own risk.)
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Don’t know what you need?
Sounds like you need a life-coach
To figure it out
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The key to success
Is visualization
Also, a life-coach
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Every package
Will earn you one free session
That’s right, I said FREE*
*Some exceptions
A scene from my self help video, built upon lies.
When I started my shop, “Chakra Khan,” I didn’t set out to scam people. I had the purest of intentions. I have a real gift with auras. But then these boys started sloping into the shop with their flannel shirts and ankh tatted girlfriends, begging me to help them get in touch with their inner selves. I started feeling important.
I started getting greedy.
My decent began with tiny, white lies. If someone was perfectly aligned, I’d tell them they were little left of center. After I “fixed” them, they’d be so grateful they’d almost always buy some essential oils or a crystal necklace. But it wasn’t enough. I began offering “Free Alignment with Purchase of Oil.” On my signs, I underlined and italicized the “essential” in “essential oils” to emphasize how critical they were, like I was some kind of Madison Avenue slickster.
It wasn’t long before I was padding bills and making more repairs than necessary. Once I had a girl so off kilter, she stepped out of my door and smacked right into the side of the shop, like a child trying to walk after spinning in circles. I pretended not to notice and shut the door.
I’d never put much stock into being rich, but suddenly, I was able to buy the giant purple amethyst geode pair I’d always wanted. It had calcite growing along one edge and a row of amethyst “flowers” inside of it… I hardly had it displayed on my mantel before I found myself starting to purposely misalign my customer’s chakras, assuming they’d soon return and pay to have them realigned. Instead, I found shutting down the first and second chakras created an empty feeling that my musician clients actually appreciated. It enabled them to write more emotionally tortured music. Word got around. I became a sought after consultant for the post-grunge movement. I spent a full six months touring with the rock band Creed.
I bought the dress worn by Stevie Nicks in the “Stand Back” video at an auction for $9560. I wore it while standing on a reversed treadmill in front of a fan I bought at Target and taped a self help video that sold for $9.99 to every musician in the area. I had become mad with power.
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Sometimes without realizing it, your spirit can go into “sleep mode”.
You may start to feel discouraged, or find that “less than awesome” thoughts are creeping into your head.
That’s why it’s important that you periodically revive your spirit, by participating in activities that will rejuvenate your inner-self and help you become the best version of you possible.
For me, I find that exercise really catapults my spirit to a new level.
While I enjoy all sports, my favorite is canuding.
Canuding is the same as canoeing, only it’s done in the nude.
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Canuding down the Bow River
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Personally, I find there’s nothing more exhilirating than sitting bare-assed on a canoe bench, paddling down the river just to get away from it all.
Sometimes I will fall asleep at the bottom of the canoe, letting the wind take me where it wants.
Last time it took me to a wilderness retreat where, coincidentally enough, a troop of boy scouts suddenly found their own spirits awakening.
Recently, I joined a canuding team. There’s me, my friend John, and an older man we call “Tripod”. He’s quite the photographer.
Every second Saturday we meet at the lake and work on our thrusts. We all use different paddles. John has a bent shaft and Tripod has a straight.
I don’t have one, but they’re kind enough let me practice my strokes by alternating between the two.
Since canuding is a summer sport, in the winter months we engage in other activities. Things like clitoring, asstrology, dodgetheballs; even the occasional whorigami lesson.
I’m trying to get a crotchet group together, but with all the other things we have going on there isn’t a lot of free time.
Still, while I love them all, canuding is the activity I can always count on to invigorate my spirit and awaken my soul within.
My dream is that one day canuding will be an Olympic sport. And when it is, I want to be the first one standing on that podium, wearing nothing but a ribbon and a smile.
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...And a smile.
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Is there something you like to do to awaken your spirit? If so, I’d love to hear about it.
In Awesomeness,
B.
Making your own candles at home is a fulfilling hobby enjoyed by the Amish and people in Christmas sweaters worldwide. Candles make great holiday gifts that say: “I think enough of you to give you the gift of light and love. And bits of cat fur that were trapped in the mold. Mr. Mittens like to see what I’m up to! HA! But seriously, sorry about the fur.”
They may be sexy, but those glass jars from Yankee Candle just don’t talk to people the way homemade candles do. Even if they do have inspiring names like “Christmas at the Beach” which is like sun, sand, presents AND trees all in one! CRAZY! (except in the Southern Hemisphere where it is really quite common.)
Learning to make your own candles is easy, but it is also easy to fall into the age-old trap of creating familiar scents like pine and cinnamon. Anyone can make a vanilla candle. Think outside the beehive patterned mold. What if you could create happiness and emotional health with your candles?
Ask yourself: What does burning happiness smell like?
Here are some inspiring ideas for your next candle making project.
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Remember, by focusing on the positive, you will attract a whole new level awesomeness into your life.
And isn’t that what this blog is all about?
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Have you ever been kidnapped? If so, I’d love to hear about it.
In awesomeness,
B:)
